"And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." – Colossians 3:14
“If you show up, there is no gaurantee that anything will happen. If you don’t show up, then there is a gaurantee that nothing will happpen.”
I heard the above sitting in church on a Sunday several years ago. You know something is important when your remember it vividly years later, and you didn’t even take notes. It was an application point given about taking part in community and as some people say, “throwing in.”
It has been awhile since I have been a part of the blogging world. I intentionally withdrew, so that I could spend time brainstorming ideas for a book. That process isn’t done yet, as I am still working through chapter titles and topics, but I have returned to write.
When it comes to writing, spitballing is important for me. I have to get all my ideas out on paper before I can refine them. I realize that some of the things I write during this time are bad…really bad. And that is okay.
Through the creative process, there is a sinister voice that whispers accusations. They are true. I’m not a pastor, councilor, or biblical scholar. The amount of time I put into research of my blog posts tend to be pretty minimal. And that can be a problem.
However, that sinister voice can’t be paralyzing. If it is, it wins. It’s the voice of self-doubt that creeps in to keep me standing still. I can’t write without being an expert. Unless I have a PhD, I have nothing to offer.
This is a lie. All too often, I believe it. If I let it, it keeps me from moving and from putting into the world whatever gifts God has given me.
God has given us something to share. He has blessed us with gifts, not to horde for ourselves in self-doubt and self-protection. He’s given us gifts to share with others and to bless others. He has given us talents to invest. If you are like me, my doubt and my fear tempts me to bury them. That’s selfish, and in the end incredibly unfulfilling. We are all created for a purpose, each one unique.
And yet, when we take that step of faith, as scary as it is, we fit in a larger community. We fit in the Church. Like a puzzle with distinct pieces, we fit together to create a much larger picture.
I was watching Limitless last night with my wife. This was brought upon after seeing that there is a new Limitless TV show coming out. I remembered the movie being kind of good, but I didn’t really remember what happened at the end.
Turns out I didn’t really remember what happened in the middle either. I just remembered the beginning.
This happened because I was “distracted” while I was watching it when it was on Netflix. I was cleaning and doing other odds and ends while watching it, and besides the beginning I didn’t remember much. I remembered sort of what happened at the end, but then I think I may have fell asleep. Now that I think about it, it doesn’t really sound like that great of a movie if I don’t feel the need to sit down and watch it, and when I finally do I fall asleep.
All this to say, I think sometimes we remember things wrong. We remember some things better than they really were, and other things we remember worse than they could humanly possibly be.
I remember hiking up Pike’s Peak with some of my friends. It was ridiculously hard, and I felt miserable. I’m pretty sure I got altitude (and maybe a little attitude) sickness above the treeline. After passing Barr Camp, I remember seeking the tops of the trees and thinking that we were close to the treeline. The only problem was, somehow inexplicably the treeline was following us up the mountain. No matter how far we walked, the treeline would keep rising with us.
When we finally got above, I came to a point on the Golden Stairs where I just wanted to lay down and pass out. A $500 helicopter ride might be worth it. I pressed on. Then, about a mile from the top, my brain decided it may be easier just to go back down the mountain even if it took another 6 hours. A friend of mine even offered to go down with me. I finally came to my senses and hiked the last mile with the group.
Like I said, I was pretty miserable. Yet, for some reason, I think I want to go back. I was physically at the end of myself, but I want to do it again. I may be crazy, but I don’t think I am.
The memories that really stick and matter are those moments where friends encouraged, “Keep going, you’re almost there,” or, “I don’t care if you pass out, I will drag you up the rest of this mountain if I have to.” The interdependence we developed on the way up the mountain is the stuff that will stick for years to come.
I may always remember the hike feeling physically horrible. However, the weight of friendship and community far outweigh the weight of the memories of physical exhaustion.
Community is an extremely valuable thing. Living within community can give us a clear and healthy picture about where we are in life, because when we isolate we tend to have an unclear picture of ourselves. However, there is a line that we have to be careful not to cross. Community, just like anything else in life, can become an idol.
Are you seeking other peoples’ approval? A hard lesson that I have been learning over and over again is that there is a difference between seeking wisdom and seeking approval. Once I start seeking approval from others I tend to be less genuine. It can range anywhere from not wanting to have a difficult conversation with someone I care about to my own image management. This is nothing more than just people pleasing. The danger is, it is easy to slip into this mindset and not even know it.
A God honoring community is a treasured thing, because it is really hard to go for a long time seeking approval within that kind of community. Before long, people notice what you are doing and they will refuse to feed this approval seeking behavior. Like so many other good gifts in life, this gift is hard. Living in this kind of community can bring us to the realization that we do struggle with behavior and character defects, but we have a chance to grow.
The temptation when faced with this kind of thing, though, is to shut down, shut up, become bitter, and leave. There is a Linkin Park song where the chorus goes, “I want to run away, never say goodbye.” I get that. There is something cathartic about cutting your losses and starting over. However, if we keep cutting our losses we end up in an endless loop of repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
There is a hard passage in Hebrews 6 that I think brings some light to this cycle:
“It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age and who have fallen away, to be brought back to repentance. To their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace.” Hebrews 6:4-6
We have a great savior who saves us from our sin. However, if we don’t repent from our sin, our hearts become hard. There was a time in history when the Church sold indulgences. These indulgences allowed people to go and sin and feel “covered”, because they went to a priest before hand and paid their penance. This passage stands in the way of that practice: “To their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace.”
If to repent means to turn away from one thing and turn toward something else, then we can’t “proactively” repent so that we can go and sin. We don’t repent so that we can be sinners; we repent because we are sinners.
This isn’t a cause for shame, but it is a cry for a realization. When we realize that we have done something wrong or something inside us is in desperate need of change, it hurts. We can run to Jesus, or we can run away. It may seem easier just to cut your losses and start over, but it will happen again.
If we want to grow, we can’t run away. For us to be better people, we must look in the mirror and not forget who we are (James 1). We have to stop seeking the approval of others, and start living in the direction of something much bigger than ourselves or other people. There is Someone who is waiting to receive us with open arms, and all we have to do is choose to run to him with our raw, unfiltered selves.
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